I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed, and came across this article from the Huffington Post:
The Ones Left Behind
How do our governments and workplaces support, or fail to support, those of us who care for vulnerable children?
I started thinking about all the financial implications that having a child with a disability can have, and the huge impact this has not just on the child and their family, but society as a whole, and even our environment. The impact will obviously be somewhat different depending on the level and nature of the disability of a child (and eventually, the adult), but please let me share what it is in our case.
- I am a stay at home mother. I have not contributed to the workforce since I first became pregnant, and had not planned on doing so in a full-time capacity until my youngest child was in high school. Since having BuddyBoy, even that has become impossible – he will need full-time care for the rest of his life. I am not able to find myself a part-time job while he is in school, as we have had to pull him out of school due to his disabilities. When he was at school, there were quite a few days when I had to go and pick him up early, or he went to school really late. Even a very supportive employer would not appreciate my constant absences. Hence, I am not able to pay taxes or put money towards my retirement – quite a problem given that by the time I officially retire, there will not be a pension for me to retire on.
- Because BuddyBoy is now at home, my husband has had to reduce his work hours. I cannot pick up my two schooled children, as BuddyBoy often refuses to wear clothes, or get in the car. He will also not wait happily in the car while we are parked at school. And I certainly can’t get out of the car with him to pick up my children from the school door. My husband has to pick them up instead, and he also drops them off at school. Reduced hours equal reduced income, and he cannot apply for any promotional opportunities as they are full-time. Obviously this has hugely affected our immediate finances – to the point that we qualify for welfare payments, and are hence a further burden on society. It also means less money to put toward his retirement savings.
- We have four girls and two boys. Under ordinary circumstances, we would have had two girls to a bedroom, and two boys, meaning we would need at least a four bedroom house. However, due to my girls’ disabilities, sharing a room poses an awful lot of problems (for them and their siblings), so even that has been difficult in the past. BuddyBoy cannot share a room – not only is he a danger to others, but he often doesn’t sleep (like last night when he was still wide awake at 4am). Our eldest daughter is living in a granny flat on our property, so we can still look after her and help her, but we still need six bedrooms. A bigger house equals a bigger mortgage, which has been a huge killer for us financially.
- We generate a lot of waste. BuddyBoy used disposable nappies until he was six, at which point we switched to cloth nappies. Cloth nappies don’t clutter our waste disposal systems as much, but they use a lot of electricity, water and detergents to keep clean. He likes to spread his urine and feces, so I have a daily load of sheets to wash. He also loves to destroy things. Over the past year alone, thanks to BuddyBoy, we have had to dispose of tonnes of shredded paper, 2 pairs of pants, 4 t-shirts, 3 media players, 5 portable hard disc drives, 1 laptop computer, 2 DVD players, countless ornaments / keepsakes, far too many books, 4 mattresses, 2 bed frames, 3 iPad covers, 4 iPad screens, 1 iPod, 1 iPod cover, 1 rug, 4 sheets, 3 towels, wallpaper by the bagful, several pieces of crockery, too many toys to count, 1 table, several DVDs, two window flyscreens and one door flyscreen. We are still using the broken chairs, couches, cupboards, etc that we can’t afford to replace. Our yard is littered with broken fences, retaining walls, garden statues, pots and plants that he has destroyed but we haven’t yet disposed of. And for the record – I don’t keep a written tally of what he’s destroyed, and I am not ‘blaming him’ – I am stating a simple fact.
- We also throw away a lot of food. BuddyBoy reacts to a huge number of foods and other substances, so the range of foods he can eat is limited. Unfortunately he also has major sensory issues with food, so he will often pick at it and throw it on the floor, and then it goes into the compost. Some foods he will not eat, but he likes to mash – like bananas. So we have to hide them, and often forget that we’ve got them, and then they end up in the compost too. My kids each have different sensory issues, so there’s no such thing as cooking one meal for everyone, regardless of how much I would love to do that.
- We are unable to fully support the school that our children attend. We do not have the finances available to be able to participate in every fundraiser or event that the school hosts. We are also not able to physically attend all events, as one of us has to stay at home with BuddyBoy – depending on his behaviour at the time, sometimes both of us were needed at home with him, so the other children have missed out. Even though I do not work, I am not able to volunteer my time at school as I have to be at home to look after BuddyBoy. I also miss out on valuable connections with my children’s teachers – this is particularly unfortunate for my Aspie daughter who is trying to cope with a hectic school environment and could use more of my support.
- My children do not want to have children of their own. My neurotypical daughter used to say she wanted to have ten children. Now she does not wish to take the chance that she might have a child like BuddyBoy, so she has said she will never have any. Obviously she might change her mind, but the reality is that society needs to have children. Children are consumers who turn into tax paying wage earners. Taxes are what runs our society. If we don’t have enough children who are able to grow up to pay taxes, there will be no more funding for the arts, for sports, for social security, for Medicare. If you haven’t thought about the implications of this before, watch the movie Demographic Winter for some eye-opening facts. We also need workers to perform the jobs we take for granted – not just Rubbish collectors and janitors, but also defense personnel, nurses and doctors, teachers and farmers. With a growing population of citizens who require care, this could turn into a huge problem within a very short time.
- On a personal level, we are obviously broke. Broke from paying for all the broken items listed above. Broke from paying for various treatments, therapies, drugs and anything else that was meant to make BuddyBoy’s life (and ours) easier, more pleasant and sometimes just plain livable. Broke from buying food that costs more money because it’s ‘special’. Broke from buying a huge variety of clothes in the hope that he may wear one of the items (as well as replacing the ones he rips just because he can). Broke from having to buy heavy-duty goods and equipment because anything standard gets broken immediately. Broke because we’re always trying to find something that might engage him in an activity (other than breaking things). Broke from driving 2.5 hour trips to see doctors who prescribe medication that he reacts to. Broke because we can’t buy regular Nurofen because he reacts to the ingredients, so we have to have it compounded and pay $50 instead of $5. Too broke to afford therapy that may or may not be able to help him. The sort of broke that we will never be able to recover from, unless we win the Lotto in a big way. Guess we’d better find the money to start playing.